Bad dates: they’re the stuff of nightmares, but also comedy gold. If you’ve ever left a date thinking, “Well, that’s two hours I’ll never get back,” take comfort—you’re not alone. From accidental food fights to dates that end with actual police involvement (yes, really), here are some of the most hilariously disastrous dates ever shared. Buckle up—it’s going to get weird.
Story #1: The Great Escape Artist
Picture this: you’re enjoying dinner, and your date excuses themselves to “go to the bathroom.” Ten minutes pass. Then twenty. Finally, the waiter asks, “Is your friend coming back?” Spoiler: they weren’t. Turns out, they climbed out the bathroom window and left you with the bill—and a lifetime of trust issues.
Story #2: The Overly Honest Oversharer
The date starts with, “Let me tell you about my ex,” and only goes downhill from there. By dessert, you know everything about their last three relationships, their mom’s opinion on you (she doesn’t even know you exist), and their plans for a joint custody dog named Muffin. Romantic.
Story #3: The One with the Surprise Animal
You’re walking to the restaurant, and your date says, “Oh, by the way, I brought my parrot.” Yes, their parrot. The bird spends the evening squawking every time you try to speak, and at one point, it loudly repeats, “THIS IS A MISTAKE.” Honestly, Polly might be onto something.
Story #4: The Karaoke Catastrophe
They suggest karaoke, which sounds fun—until they drag you on stage for a duet of “Islands in the Stream” even though you don’t know the words. Halfway through, they declare, “This song is about us!” and dedicate it to you. There’s no escape. You’re trapped in a musical horror movie.
Story #5: The Mystery Meal Mishap
Your date orders for you without asking. Cute, right? Except they pick the spiciest dish on the menu, and you’re now crying, hiccuping, and sweating like you’ve run a marathon. “It’s not that hot,” they say, while you desperately chug water and reconsider all your life choices.
Honorable Mentions
- The Unintended Double Date: They bring their best friend for “moral support.” Guess who’s the third wheel now?
- The All-Photos Date: They spend the entire time snapping selfies and asking, “Can you take one of me for the ‘Gram?”
- The Costume Surprise: They show up in full cosplay without warning. You’re at a diner with Darth Vader. Send help.
How to Survive Your Own Bad Date
1. Have an Escape Plan: Text a friend to fake an emergency. “My goldfish is having an existential crisis!” always works.
2. Laugh It Off: A bad date is just a funny story waiting to happen. You’ll cringe now and cackle later.
3. Treat Yourself: End the night with ice cream or pizza—you deserve it after enduring that trainwreck.
Conclusion
Bad dates are a rite of passage on the road to finding love—or at least tolerable companionship. They’re awkward, cringy, and sometimes downright insane, but they also make the best stories. So the next time your date brings their pet iguana or decides to sing you a love ballad in public, remember: it’s all part of the adventure. Good luck out there, brave dater!