Elevators: those magical boxes that whisk us between floors while trapping us in awkward silence with complete strangers. It’s a space where time slows down, eye contact becomes illegal, and everyone’s inner weirdo comes out to play. If you’re not sure how to behave in these vertical social experiments, don’t worry—we’ve compiled a list of unspoken elevator rules that absolutely no one follows.
Rule #1: Push the Button Like a Civilized Human
The “close door” button isn’t a magic wand, yet there’s always that one person aggressively mashing it like they’re launching a missile. Pro tip: it’s not going to make the doors close faster, Karen.
Rule #2: The Silent Shuffle Dance
If someone else enters the elevator, you’re supposed to do the awkward shuffle to make space. Instead, most people just freeze in place, pretending they’re invisible. Congratulations, you’re now part of a live-action game of human Tetris.
Rule #3: Thou Shalt Not Face the Wrong Way
The unwritten law of elevators is simple: face the doors. Yet there’s always that one wildcard who decides to stand backwards, staring at everyone else like it’s a group therapy session. No, Chad, we don’t want to talk about our feelings.
Rule #4: Small Talk is Optional (But Always Awkward)
“So, how about this weather?”—the default line for elevator chit-chat. But instead of bonding over shared meteorological observations, most people just grunt in response, silently praying the ride ends before they have to form a full sentence.
Rule #5: Don’t Make It Weird
Pressing every button as a joke? Weird. Laughing maniacally while the elevator creaks? Super weird. Doing yoga in the corner? Weird, but oddly impressive. Just stand still and act like a normal person… or at least try.
Rule #6: The Fart Dilemma
We’ve all been there: stuck in a crowded elevator, desperately hoping that noise wasn’t what you think it was. Rule of thumb: if you let one slip, act natural and pray for a miracle. If it wasn’t you, prepare your best “who did this?” glare.
Rule #7: Don’t Rush the Exit
When the doors open, it’s not a Black Friday sale. Yet there’s always someone who treats it like an Olympic sprint, elbowing their way out like the building’s on fire. Chill, Brad. The stairs aren’t going anywhere.
Breaking these rules is practically a rite of passage, so don’t feel bad the next time you awkwardly hit the wrong button or pretend to text while avoiding eye contact. Just remember: the elevator may only go up and down, but the awkwardness is universal. Happy riding!